I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
