he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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