Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
