we made out on top of his cat.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
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GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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