Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
