I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
