I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
