This is not my ceiling
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize