ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize