i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
