At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
