i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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