And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
