it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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