quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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