Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
