Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
