Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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