watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
