12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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