Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
