wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize