You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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