Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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