I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
