I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
