If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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