Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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