I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
