you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This baby is an asshole
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
