i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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