Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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