Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize