I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We left the knife in your bed.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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