Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
