You smell like a Billy Joel song
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
