also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.