Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
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Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.