I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"