I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
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Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.