Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.