Just fell off a train. Bad.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Im part way to drunk.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
