Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
pray to the hookup gods
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
