Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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