i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize