walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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