i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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