Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
