I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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