I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
