Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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