She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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