I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
