Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
