I'm laying in your front yard are you home
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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