i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
