Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
