Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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