So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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