no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
