I wannas sexs uuuuu
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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